Ok here it goes again....hehehe

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You've never been a big fan of the spotlight -- that's no secret -- but when you're forced into it, whether it's for a second or an afternoon, you rise to the occasion like a champ. That's because you, of all signs, know how to fire-walk -- how to do exactly what needs to be done, no matter what that happens to be. So when someone dear to you puts you center-stage to thank you or reward you, force yourself to accept the attention graciously.

No I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna. But yes if it happens I will. This kind of thing is scary to me and I know one day I will have to be front and center, but please not today.
:D

An interesting weekend.

Yesterday I helped with the highway cleanup as a member of the Witchita Pagans and then went to a Spiritual Awareness Fair. (Psychic Fair) I will be going back again today to finish picking up some things and making some new alliances. This is a good thing for me. I will add to this after I get home.
Today at the Fair was so cool. I have met some folks that have skulls as old and older then my Grandmother Skull and was told about a gathering that will be happening for the next 8 years. The Gathering of the Skulls I think is what the one woman told me and she gave me the site name to check out where they are etc... The date for the next Gathering is Sept. 5 - 8th 2006.
Angelvalley.org so I will check it out soon.
I need to see what I have in my profits from my books so I can do a barter for some leg wraps to help my mom edema and for the song that was played for my Grandmother Skull.
I found really good stones from people who really care about what they have to sell and about the people.
There was a man there who was taught by Shaolin Monks. The one Master makes up the the blend of herbs and it's called Tibetan Blend and it has many uses.
There was a lady who does drawings of a person's spirit guides and many more things.
Several people there do Reiki, and there was aromatherapy workers.
They will have another one in January and I look forward to being there again.
I found out about a walk that is the Modern day Trail of Tears walk on Nov 5th and I will be there for that.
It was such a cool day!!!

This part of my journey

I am walking along a rocky path with thorns and brambles as all I can see on either side of me.
This is the waste land of my self distructive behavior. I don't blame those who have stepped back from me for beating myself up over stupid mistakes. In fact I applaude them for their courage to not get caught up in my garbage.

This poem is in honor of several of my friends. A few in particular.

A Journey of Friendship

The journey starts with two who
have never met
Who talk and connect
So many laughs and the stories
shared
To know that someone really cares
Then one step along the way
The friendship changes, but
the journey goes on
Temperary or perminant, the loss
of a friend, partner or parent
always hurts for awhile
So if I can remember the fun, the love
from before the changes
Then maybe my journey to be
a better friend, partner or what ever
the Ancestors give me to do will not
be a loss.
But a beautiful gain for all.

A hard step, but growth again. Now to quit beating myself up over things.
Not easy, but it can be done and will be done. It's part of I can't be good for anyone else if I'm not good for me.

A fun thing from my email box

Today's Featured Humor : -) - -

'CAKE' Personality Test Take this cake personality test; then, send this e-mail on to others.When you send this e-mail on, put your cake in the subject box above.


No cheating. Pick your cake then, look to see. If you were buying a cake and you had your choice of the following, which would you choose:

Angel food

Brownies

Lemon Meringue

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing

Strawberry Short Cake

Chocolate on Chocolate

Ice Cream

Carrot Cake





NO...you can't change your mind once you scroll down So think carefully, what your choice will be!!!




OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you:

Angel food ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being child-like and immature at times.

Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, &articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing ... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life, very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad, however, you are a friend for life.

Strawberry Short Cake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly-emotional and annoying at times.

Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

Ice Cream... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. ! People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
You're tired of the same old, same old. The routine. You're so tired of it that in the middle of your intense little heart, you're quite sure that if you don't do something to change it soon, you won't be any good to anyone. Not yourself, not your loved ones and certainly not the people who depend on your keen intuition and impeccable work skills to get them through the day.

In a way I am, yet in a way I'm not. 4th quarter in retail even when one is behind the sceine like I am is tiring and hard. So many trucks to deal with and product to prep leaves me physically drained. But as long as it pays the bills I have to continue, at least till I can walk away from it. Time to work on my poems and reviews and other such things.

This is in one of my other blogs, but I felt...

I needed to put it here as well.
Entry for October 20, 2005
Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Someone has been not-so-subtly 'working' you, for reasons you have yet to discern -- and that fact alone is making you crazy. Half of you believes they're interested in you for more than professional or platonic reasons, which presents a whole set of problems you're already trying to work out. The other half is wondering what they want. Ah, well. Don't lose any sleep over it. You're more than equipped to handle either situation. The question is, are they?

Ok I have no idea who or what they are talking about here. The only one it could have been isn't talking to me on a regular basis and so I have stepped back greatly too. I still care about this person, but I can see where Coyote and the Ancestors used a situation to get me over one loss and yet caused another loss. :( This one hurts almost as bad, but I know that some breaks need to be for growth.
Wondertwin power deactivate.
Love will always be there, but the old reliance on one to get over another is no longer allowable. Time for this kid to quit trying to hang on to old habits and thoughts. No if onlys, no yeah buts, each thing while in a grand scheem of things is in it's own right one thing. Cause and effect at each step of the way.
Fall the time of reflection, leading to winter the time of old things, thoughts, actions to be laid to rest.
Come spring a new beginning.
Time now to go into semi-hibernation, to work on me and to grow in the spring.

I wish I could find...

my book about the Sun Dance.
I'm working on writing up a file for one of the Pagan Groups about some of my beliefs. I have other books that I can start with, but that one is the best of the books.
Hehe A lesson from Coyote maybe?
Probably as I haven't looked at it or some of my other important books for awhile now.
I am also looking for a book that I know I have with the picture of a friend in it.
Although when I got the book I didn't know she was going to end up being a friend.
I do remember though looking at her and saying I wish I could have her as a teacher.
If this is the same person, but I think it is.
Yep deffineately Coyote in action!
Well I can get some of it started at least.
:)

My latest Poem

It will be in one of my books eventually, but it is new just this afternoon.

Is it Time

Is it time to close off again so I
don't feel any pain?

I think it's time to put the emotions
to sleep so the heart can heal the
loss of this spring.

Is it time again to step back from
the human race?

I think it's time to hibernate like the
badgers and bears who I share
many things with.

Is it time again to only feel the animals
and plants?

I think like the animal and plants it's time
to call it a year as the winter is upon us to
learn, think and grow for next year.

What the???

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
When a loved one isn't quite available, the feelings you have for them become at least ten times more potent than if things were going along just swimmingly. So when the urge to go all out to impress them with the depth of your feelings hits, go for it. Are you losing your mind? Nope. Your heart, maybe, but consider this: These things don't happen all that often. If there really is a chance for you two to make this a story for the grandkids, go ahead

This is so not me!
While I have friends that fit with how much I care about them, I have no partner or lover that fits that bill.
So in this case unless some one jumps out of the bushes(which I don't see happening) and surprises me this really doesn't fit.

This is a weird morning...

cause I tried 3 times to get into a group to post something about my truths and so I will do it here instead.

For the most part what I see as truth for me personally has only a few set in stone things.
Core Truths if you will.

1. I am no where near Jewish, Christian, Islamic or Buddhist in my spiritual beliefs.

2. What I see is not what others see. We all have our own perceptions of things in life.

3. What I think, feel, or think I know is subject to change with proof from my council of Elders, Ancestors, and sometimes even other people when they also can show me why I should follow something their way. ( This is not often )

4. I am a werebeast. Were-Mountain Lion to be exact.

These are subject to change if and when proven wrong as these are subjective truths.

1. The only unconditional love I have ever had is from my animals.

2. I am too intense for my own good and everyone else's as well.

3. I have allowed my heart to be open too wide, too many times in trying to find "The One".

4. Because of #3 I'm becoming/have become (depends on the day and how I am looking at things) cynical about love of the couple/lover/spouce type.

5. I am generous more often then not.

6. I am more honest then not, although I will take little digs at corporate america when I can.

7. I am loyal

8. I get too focused on one thing and that can cause problems. This goes along with my intensity level.

9. I can see many sides of a situation, even though I work at maintaining neutrality.

When I get into a rut with how I see things etc... Coyote comes along and shakes up my world and views on things. It's all a part of life, the universe and everything. And the answer is still 42

Spammers READ THIS!!!!

Do you not have respect for others???
I was writing about something important and you want to sell me music, or plane fares cheap etc...
Well I don't appreciate your Bull Shit so leave my blog alone!!!!
If I want to buy something I will do so without interferance from you or any others like you.

This is from someone named mazz.
Great Blog PoetryI was waiting for someone to write a great blog poem, which of course would require the clever use of hyperlinks.Nice going with the blog it makes me think and Iwant to save it! I have a mp3 site/blog. It pretty much covers free mp3 s to download and free mp3 s to download related stuff. Come by and check it if you have time.
1:46 PM

This is what I am talking about. If I want mp3 stuff I will buy it from work as I get a discount! I don't want to use hyperlinks as this is not to sell my stuff here. This is my life and what is happening not a sales ground!!!

Well I have to make some changes...

In my "vacation" schedule next year. I will be in MT for 17 days instead of 9
as I will be there for 2 lodges.
Since they are back to back and my niece will be there, so will will I.
She has been trying to get me to one of the lodges for a couple of years now and next
year is really important for me to be there.
Her other mom is sponsering one of the lodges and I want to be there to support her,
as she is a friend of mine too.
I think there will be some important things happening there. It's a real strong feeling that
I have.
So me going to Florida, Minnesota and possibly Georgia will have to wait for awhile. I don't
like that the others will have to wait, but this part of my spiritual walk is more important
to me. I figure my friends will understand.
I will be putting in for my vacation for June on monday. That will give them plenty of time
to okay it. Next step is the plane fare and setting up a ride to and from the airport.
More at a later date.

Well I didn't...

get the lead possition for the receiving team there at work, but that's ok.
I think I will only be in Kansas for a year or two at most.
I'm thinking Arizona may be a good place to be. I will be closer to where my family is, but farther away from Minnesota where a lot of my friends are.
While I don't dislike being here there are reasons for me else where.
More later as it's bed time.
It's another day and I am starting to make some plans for the next year or two.
I need to move to AZ to study with an important person. She is a good teacher
and I will be honored to learn what she has to offer.
I knew my time in Kansas would be limited, but I thought I would be here longer
then what I will be actually.
Long enough to help get some things going and at least 2 maybe more books of my
poems.
So yet another chapter to my life begins.