Ok Lets see what I can do with today.

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
The situation is stellar right now, thanks to your own efforts and those of your lucky stars: Work is gratifying, your wallet is full and you're in love (or about to fall). However, the one surefire way to tempt fate is to take things for granted, or to let your ego get out of control (yes, your hard work and efforts had a lot to do with this -- but not everything). Remember to be humble and remain diligent so you'll stay ahead of the game.

They are supposed to announce who gets Receiving Lead today. They were supposed to do it last saturday, monday and yesterday they said for sure today. I have to be patient, but I don't want to be patient, but I will because it's the only thing I can do right now.
Again with the love thing... I will leave that subject alone. Who knows someone may show up, I will just keep living my life.

These were good words for me...

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
If you go looking for drama, you're sure to find it -- but will you like it once you do? There's the rub. Wouldn't it be easier to figure out what it is you need from the party in question and then have a discussion about it? It's normal if voices get raised and emotions run high, but that's a far cry from charging into a situation with both barrels blazing, which (come on, be honest) is what you're tempted to do. Increase the peace instead.

today. I did stay out of the line of fire and I didn't do anything to create drama.
Now to find more fragments of me and put them where they belong.
I have no regrets about my life as I am the one who has done and brought on myself by my own actions.
If I hadn't done some of the things, made some of the choices I wouldn't be the person I am today. Yet I still have things to make ammends for, and better choices to make for me.
What brought some of this on?
A discussion in one of the pagan groups that I am in about children.
Thinking of the three that I gave birth to and then when they were 7, 5, and 3; their father and I had to make a choice to either give them up and pick out the family or they would get taken away and maybe put into different homes.
To Roger, Melinda and Laura, I'm sorry I wasn't a better mom and I wish you all enough of the good, bad, the things you need and every once in a while something you want. I don't know if you will ever see these words, but I hope you feel what my heart is sending to you.
To anyone else that I have managed to piss off lately I'm sorry.

To the rest of anyone who reads this I wish you love, friendship and a happy heart.

Ok that's it I'm going into hibernation...LMAO!

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
If you'd rather be at home, don't try to be the life of the party. Current celestial influences encourage quiet contemplation and deep thinking. It may feel like social exile, especially for a people-loving type like yourself, but it may be exactly what you need, especially if there are some weighty matters on your mind that need unburdening. Any time you take on your own behalf right now will prove to be invaluable.

While I probably won't be out in the general public, just cause my emotions are running wild with me, but I do have to work and that could prove interesting. What ever it is hit somewhere in the last two weeks and I feel like a bouncing ball.
I am at least getting all the old emotional garbage out, so if I seem a little melodramitic, it's cuase when I resist doing what I know I need to do, I get a heavy reminder that I know better.
One of the groups that I'm in has been talking about the laws of 3's and while I know how it works with me I can't say who started it or how it came about. I didn't really start hearing about it until the mid 80's when the influx of New Agers made themselves known.
I think it's amusing cause you hardly ever hear of them now. And yet I am still doing what I was doing then. Proud Pagan that I am.
One of these days I will actually get back to the story that I started. :D

Yeah Right... Yes I am being a bitch cause...

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
It's the perfect time to ask for a really big favor, score an invitation to an ultra-exclusive event or get a rise out of that supposedly unattainable love interest. Not only will you meet with a warm reception, but you'll actually be invited back for more, thanks to your charm and sincere delight in these new opportunities. Leave any hesitancy or nervousness behind. If you act fast, you'll make the most of this chance.

...after the last week and a half to two weeks, what I would like, want etc... are in one case not a reality and it hurt to deal with it.
I may have lost a good friend because of my behavior and as much as that hurts too, I will live. Not that I care much about "Love or being In Love" anymore cause all I have ever gotten out of that is pain.
Yes I will be honest I am saying this out of hurt and anger, but I am working it out of my system and life which is more then I would have done even a year ago.
Prior to this I might write it out, but I held the hurt inside instead of letting it out as I am as I type these words.
The tears are flowing very freely.
One of these days I will quit shooting myself in the foot and hampering my life... I guess this is growth of a sort.
So till the heart quits hurting I will go back to standing aloof. It's quieter and safer for me.

Life, the universe and everything - the answer is still 42

Well 3 of us that I know of put our names in for the lead spot in Receiving. So I have a chance at that top spot. Now it's the waiting game to hear who got it. :) Either way it will be cool, I'm just getting bored with the standard bs.
Plus on my way home I stopped at Watermark Books to see how and if they handle independant book writers/sellers and they do. So as soon as I take 6 of my books they will put them out. They will have them for 90 days and then they will let me know either to pick up the books or books and money. I think a 60 - 40 split is good and out of one of my next checks I will get the books. Oh well I guess tonight I will work on my book. :)
I like the title. "The Eye of the Storm" Life really is a perspective game.

Something for me to think about

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Ah, the game of love. Sometimes you roll the dice and you get to pass 'Go' and collect a sweet chunk of change. Other times, it seems like the only rule is there are no rules and it's every person for him or herself. You're in more of a limbo state right now, and not really sure which way to turn. Rather than trying to figure out a course of action at once, why not figure out what you want first, and then act from there?

Lets see what do I want?
Well first getting the lead possition at work would be good. Then getting my poems published would also be good. Seeing as I am working on my second book.
Now as to love, WTF is that?
I know some wonderful women and yet they are not what I need as a partner. I keep getting told be patient she will show up and you know what?
I am so tired of hearing that! I will be 50 in a couple of months and I would like just one lady to be there. Granted she may or may not choose to live with me, but that would be ok as I have gotten to liking my own space.
What I want is someone I can talk with, be comfortable in silent times, someone close to my age, someone who does want attention, but not constant look at me, pay full and only attention to me. Someone who is pagan, or atleast won't try to change me to be what I am not. Someone who can deal with intensity as I am, can be very intense. She doesn't need to be a glamour queen, but she does need to love herself. Yes I would like her to be more of a femme, it would be a compliment to my being butch.
Anything above and beyond that that match up with me would be the gravey.

The last two days

I have been doing the job of receiving Lead and so I put my name into the mix for the position.
They will be letting everyone know on Saturday who the lead is.
I have mixed feelings on taking the spot, but I know I can handle the job.
In the past I have had others ask me why I didn't go for such things and I would say I didn't want the headaches, but the dock needs a good lead and I work well with the others there, so why not.
I will be working more hours and getting more pay, so it can't be all bad. After all with the places I plan on visiting next year the extra money will be good.
Well we shall see as the saying goes.

Hhhmmm

Something to think about.

Overview: Being open and vulnerable is not a state that comes naturally to you -- in fact, it feels downright uncomfortable. However, if you can stand it, being more emotionally available than usual could hold some great rewards.

My emotions usually get me so deep in trouble that I'm not sure about this.
LMAO Maybe one day I won't feel so shy to trust my emotions, or people.

Now to run off to work.

WoooHoooo I have all 50 poems!!!

Now I can put my book together!! I have the list of poems, with the exception of the poems I wrote about Bobbie I don't think I'm going to put them in any kind of "order". I think they are going to work just as the list is. Other then checking my email I won't be online as I get this all put on floppy.

*Happy Dancing around the apartment*

Eye of the Storm - Is the second book...

of poems that I'm working on. The first few poems will be about Bobbie, a very special woman to me. I wish she were here, because I miss her so.

These are some of the other poems that will be in the book.


Wild

Wild like the animals I enjoy most
Wild want to run, to be in the open
To howl, growl, pad around on silent
paws
To feel the wind on my muzzle, blood
in my teeth and mouth
Wild never tamed, not tameable
To be held in gentle status for short
periods of time is all


Those Were Scary Days

I was little and the apartment building
was an off beige
The walkway around the second floor
front of the building was cement
From that vantage point we could see the
fires in Watts
From that same walkway we heard the shots
and the shouts from the bullhorns
The fire engins sirens all day and night
I knew why the people were angry
I was angry
But more then anything I was scared


Warrior Poet

Your commercial talks about the soldiers
being the ones to keep this country free
You seem to forget those of us who do, have
done both
Without the poet, protester and words
the ideas, ideologies can't be shared, it would
just be fighting
Without the words to get people to to realize
when things need to be stopped wars wouldn't
end
Remember balance in all things
Without one there wouldn't be the other
Now flip your coin

There will be about 50 poems total in the book.

For those of you...

who read my blog you will notice that I erased the last couple of days posts. Well it was because I was starting to fuck up my life big time. I promised myself along time ago that I was going to stop doing that shit.
I was letting emotion rule my life and for a silly assed Scorpio that is not a good thing.
So where am I now?

Right here:

A Warrior's Heart

Is not to be hard and cold
But neither is it to be too
easily accessable
For difficult choices always
happen
As a warrior I must keep a
clear head
Emotion has it's place
But it doesn't need to over
run common sense
For in my case when my heart
kicks in
I forget to think and only feel

One of these centuries I may get things to mellow out, but
I think not in this life time.
Or maybe when I'm so mucn older that it won't matter
anymore.